


dare.

by memorial



Category: Depeche Mode
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Truth or Dare, violator era tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-30
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:47:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26187442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/memorial/pseuds/memorial
Summary: Alan accidentally kiss Dave during a truth or dare game, (then Alan goes through an existencial crisis).
Relationships: Dave Gahan/Alan Wilder
Comments: 4
Kudos: 21





	dare.

**Author's Note:**

> okay, this is an old idea I had a few years ago (and it's adaptable to any ship lol, so I decided to write to these two as well.)
> 
> ps: english is not my first language, so forgive me if you guys notice some bad writing lol

It was the last show of the first part of the tour before the band could take a "break" - the boys were excited, the post-show energy was always electric and they were even more excited. After midnight and Martin was still full of ideas - and one of them was playing "truth or dare"; something typical among teenagers - which made Andy laugh when he thought it was just a joke - it wasn't. Although everyone there was drunk, some more stoned than drunk, Martin was serious.

Alan laughed sarcastically, letting slip a comment that made Dave smile and discreetly agree, "Come on, this is child's thing, man."

Martin just rolled his eyes, and immediately made everyone there sit in a circle - turning the bottle then and explaining its rules - oh, yeah, if you want to play truth or dare with Martin, you must follow his rules, forget everything else. There were a few more girls and other guys, probably they were invited or just paid more to be there with the band, who knows. 

"Well, we're going to play this my way, right?" - Martin smiled maliciously, watching one by one in that group - "Truth: you must confess something the other person wants to know, okay? And challenge... If you do not want to answer the question, then as a consequence you must have some kind of physical contact with this person, ok?"

Everyone agreed in silence, some more excited and ecstatic than others. Alan didn't care much about this kind of game, in fact his mind was far away, he didn't quite know how to explain. 

Lately there was something that pulled him like a magnet, his eyes were easily drawn and directed at Dave even when he didn't want to, and they both knew there was something different between them in the last few days. It was silence, tension. He didn't quite know how to explain it, but it was curiously different and interesting - of course they were best friends but there was something else going on - and that made Alan lose sleep in an inexplicable way. 

After ten minutes playing, daring themselves to do stupid stuff or confess stupid things, one of the girls got her chance to play with someone... and it was Alan.

“Alright... Truth or dare?” She was smiling, thinking about what she was going to ask him to do.

Alan didn’t hesitate; “Dare.”

“Fine.” She smiled. “I dare you to… I dare you to kiss whom you find most attractive in this room, or rather, to the most attractive man in this room."

"Wow." Andy, Martin and Dave exclaimed in a chorus, followed by a "she really got you, man" coming from Martin. Dave was quiet, curiously. 

"Girl, are you serious?" Alan was quite nervous, thinking that she could change her mind, but she didn't, y'know... Martin rules, boy.

Dave was sitting next to Alan, who stared at him curiously (just like everyone else there), expecting some reaction from Alan - who grinned at him - yeah, he made his decision- he chose Dave - and it’s just a second, a meaningless accident: they both leaned at the same time and it’s like two cars colliding; their mouths brushed - just the corner of Dave's lips against Alan’s before any of them could stop it. It’s an accident - and when it ended, so quickly, they could specifically hear Andy and Martin laughing and saying "Fuck, I was sure it would be me!" and also the girl giving them a surprised stare.

"Fuck" was all that Dave said after that, covering his face with both hands, laughing out loud just like the other boys. Alan felt his face burn like fire, and then everything went to “normal” again - but not to him, as he tries to figure out why does it bother him so much.

"Game over," Alan forced a laugh, saying right after "I won this shit", and got up immediately, angry and left the room. Dave remained quiet, wanting to laugh a little, but still with his face slightly blushed - he felt something poke him internally as well. 

***

“Shitty game", Alan kept saying to himself.

But, maybe, he should talk to Dave... or maybe not. It could ruin their friendship. Whatever.  
He was laying on his bed, looking at the window and overthinking about the “accident”.  
God, that could ruin everything.

***

His head was a mess - as he tried to avoid everyone the other day during the band's rehearsal for the next show, specially Dave - he didn’t seem slightly affected by the whole thing, so Alan plays his part: entered the room and sat on his place, looking outside the window. Maybe… maybe if it didn’t mean anything to Martin and Andy, especially Dave, why would it mean anything to him?

It wasn’t even a real kiss - they were drunk, and high, and it was a joke. 

It’s such a waste of time thinking about what happened. But damn, why are you still thinking about it?  
It shouldn’t bother him, he knows, but —

“Hey,” Dave’s voice makes him lose his train of thought. “Are you okay?”

Alan wanted to run away, or maybe shove his head in a hole in the ground. “I’m fine.”

The mood curiously became unpleasant and quiet - and Dave no longer insisted on talking to Alan that morning. 

“You know,” Andy starts in a calm voice, “You really should talk to Dave”

“Yeah? Why?” Alan pretended he didn’t know why.

“Because you’re not being yourselves lately. That’s why.” Martin replied.

Alan rolled his eyes.

“You know, man… Dave thinks he’s done something to make you mad at him." Andy insisted.

Alan felt like he was kicked on the stomach - and it hurt. "I don't think so... I mean, he didn’t do anything wrong. I... I’m not mad at him.”

“You should tell him, then. He’s your best friend.” Martin whispered, patting Alan on the back, without saying anything else and after that, they left.   
  


Alan felt like shit. 

***

As days go by, Alan hasn’t talked to Dave; first because he was sure things could get worse, and second, maybe Dave would think that Alan’s obsessed with something he didn’t even care about anymore.

_Alan needed to get a fucking grip._

It was friday again and Alan was still avoiding talking to Dave - they just talked when they were planning the setlists or things related to the shows... nothing more than that, to the astonishment of Martin and Andy. During the band's rehearsals, Dave tried to get closer and even made some comment, but without much success. He also noticed that Dave stared at him like, two or three times, but he pretended he didn’t notice it.  
  
But, to be really honest, if he were ever to kiss another man, it would be Dave.  
Dave; with his pink lips, pale skin and bright eyes, dancing and smiling and giggling at everything or whatever someone could joke about, or just doing stupid comments about stupid things... Butterflies started to fly inside his stomach. 

Fuck, Alan. 

*******

He doesn’t get over it, and it drives him mad at himself at the same time it drives Dave away.

“Hey fucker,” Martin grabs him by the arm, and this time he wasn’t smiling like he always did, “Dude, what’s going on between you and him?”

“It’s not-“

“Oh, no. Don’t you dare to pretend it’s nothing.” Martin cuts him off. "Andy and I noticed that you guys barely talked to each other in the past days. What the fuck is wrong with you two? For fucks sake, I swear...”

Alan sighs, rubbing his eyes with his fingers. Martin was surprised when finally realized.

“It’s about... that kiss thing? Holy shit, it is, isn't it? Oh, fuck, I knew it!”

“Martin, stop it, seriously, It’s not-“

“Shut your mouth, you little slut" Martin laughed, pointing his finger at Alan "Don’t you dare, man. I should tell you that he' s just fine, you don’t have to worry about that, and... it doesn’t need to mean anything, I mean-"

Martin sounded so confusing that Alan’s head was about to explode. He knew that Martin was trying not to say something stupid or obscene, but it was really confusing right now. Fuck it. 

“Martin, I know it didn’t mean anything to him, right? I know that, do you think I don’t—" Alan cuts him off, raising his voice immediataly, sounding too defensive too quickly, and Martin picks up on that.

“Holy shit."

“What?”

“So that’s the problem."

“Wait, what?" Alan could feel like his heart was about to jump through his mouth.

“The problem is that _it meant something to you_ , Alan. It’s so obvious… How couldn’t we notice? How…?” He wanted to slam his own head against a wall.

Alan was silent, kind of blushing, kind of wanting to die.

“You should really talk to him, Al. I mean, he's... He's different too. Y'know, I think he's just waiting."

Great. Now Alan feels more guilty than he already was - he really needs to fix everything, or at least try.

***

That night was cold, the hotel corridors seemed to have no heating, or it was just the fact that Alan felt cold just 'cause he was extremely nervous - He knew he'd screwed it up, possibly. It was usually Dave who did something questionable most of the time, but this time he knew Dave didn't have a part of the blame. His hands were shaking so much and there wasn’t a way of controlling himself. His breath was getting heavier and, for a moment, he thought he’d have a heart attack or something.

He knocks the door - and then there he is. 

"Dave," Alan forced a smile, so embarrassed that neither he wouldn't recognize himself - just like Dave didn't even bother to smile back; "Would you let me in, please?"

Dave nodded, and Alan came in. That was it; it was now or so never again - they were finally alone together. The silence was quite uncomfortable. Alan sighed one more time before talking. 

“Dave, would you please look at me for a moment?” Alan begged, he was so helpless. “I-I’m so sorry. I know you’re thinking that you did something wrong, but..."

"It's ok, Charlie", Dave gave him a cold smile. 

Alan smiled when he realized how Dave called him, but still, Dave was truly angry. 

"I know it's not okay, Dave. Stop it, let's talk" Alan insisted, trying to touch Dave's arm. 

"I've been wondering why the last few days, after that night. I swear to you, I... I don't get it." Dave sighed.

Alan tried to get closer to Dave, confronting his eyes, “Listen, I know it meant nothing to you, but-“

“You really think it meant nothing to me, Alan? For fuck's sake." 

Alan felt his hands and feet freeze; cold sweat. Dave's face was almost red, he could feel his body burning altought they were not touching each other. Alan approached Dave cautiously, his eyes fixed on his; as he let the words out that only Dave could hear.

"I can’t stop thinking about kissing you again, Dave. _Kissing you for real._ ” He said calmly, grabbing him by his shoulders, looking him deeply in the eyes.

"Dare." Dave whispered, smiling in a way that made Alan's knees tremble and become weak - Alan's eyes seemed surprised, his trembling hands held him firmly and he dared to kiss him again; ardently slow; as he felt his face and body burn on fire - a warm and wet kiss. 


End file.
